Interpersonal Skills:

Residents will have daily opportunities to learn about relationships from other residents and staff that will be trained to model appropriate choices, teach and intervene when necessary. Teaching Parents will assume role-model status and use conflict between youth as teaching opportunities for pro-social learning.  Several times per week there are social skills meetings.  Those topics include but are not limited to:

1.        FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS:

A.  Look at the person.

B.  Acknowledge the request with “OK”, “I understand”, etc.

C.  Check back when you are finished.

Rationale:  You will be asked to follow instructions in almost every aspect of life. The ability to follow these instructions fosters a pleasant, cooperative relationship with other people (teachers, boss, and parents), avoids wasting time and therefore allows you more free time.

2.         ACCEPTING ROUTINE CRITICISM:                

A. Look at the person.

B.  Acknowledge the criticism with “OK”, or “I understand”.

C.  Do not argue, pout, sulk or threaten.

D.  If you are given a point consequence, write it on your card and ask the Teaching Parent to sign it.

E.  If you disagree with the criticism, wait until the other person has finished speaking and then rationally (speak calmly, look at the person) ask to discuss the situation.

Rationale:  When you can accept routine criticism, you prevent serious problems with people in authority (teachers, boss, Teaching Parents, police, etc.). You demonstrate maturity and the ability to deal with tense emotional situations.

3.         ACCEPTING “NO” FOR AN ANSWER: 

A. Keeping eye contact (look at the person).

B.  Acknowledge—say “OK”.

C.  Do not argue, whine, pout, swear, etc. (Avoid negative behaviors).

D.  If you do not understand why the person said “no” calmly ask for a reason.

Rationale:  Throughout your life probably not all of your requests will be granted. Learning to appropriately accept “no” demonstrates maturity and the ability to not always have things your own way. It also increases the likelihood that the same person will say “yes” to future requests.

4.         SOLVING PROBLEMS RATIONALLY:                          

A. Wait for an appropriate time to express your grievances. Talk with the person alone, after class, or present the problem at family conference, etc.

B.  Look at the person and make statements of acknowledgement when spoken to, such as “OK, I understand, or you are right”.

C.  State your grievance without yelling, arguing or cursing.

D.  State the positive parts of the situation before presenting the negative.

E.  Present the problem in a constructive way. Make then non-personal and non-threatening and offer possible solutions.

F.  Listen to both sides of the problem, and try to solve the problem. Do not run away from the issue at hand.

Rationale:  Rational problem solving is the most constructive, effective and efficient means of dealing with problems. Learning to solve problems in this way will help you resolve your grievances without hurting yourself (i.e. school suspension, being fired, etc.) and it helps you to negotiate solutions more to your liking.

5.         GIVING POSITIVE AND CORRECTIVE (NEGATIVE) FEEDBACK:       

A. Begin with a smile or nice greeting.

B.  Tell the person what he/she has done correctly (praise first).

C.  Describe the mistake in a non-threatening way.

D.  Describe or demonstrate the appropriate or correct way.

E.  Tell the person why it is important to do it the appropriate way.

F.  Ask the other person if he-she understands.

Rationale: Feedback shows others that you are concerned and interested in their accomplishments and the problems that they have. Your concern and interest will help to develop and maintain relationships.

6.         COMPLIMENTING YOURSELF:

A. Express appreciation, prudence, or gratitude for having the opportunity to belong to a group or project.

B.  Include the contributions of others who have helped you (coaches, parents, teachers, etc.).

C.  Do not brag. It turns people off!

D.  Do not make negative statements about yourself except in private conversations.

Rationale:  Appropriately expressing confidence in yourself, your abilities and accomplishments will positively influence the impressions others have of you. It shows others you can manage yourself and be sincerely proud of your efforts. It also allows others to recognize your strengths and accomplishments.

7.         REQUESTING PERMISSION:

A.  Ask permission, do not demand, by using a question, such as “Is it okay if I…”

B.  Ask permission of persons that have authority to grant your request.

Rationale: Requesting permission shows others you are responsible and respectful of other people’s authority. Asking permission also tends to increase the chance that permission will be given.

8.         EXPRESSION APPRECIATION TO OTHERS:

A. When people help you out, or offer to help you, say “Thank you”.

Rationale: Expressing your appreciation to other people tends to increase the chances that they will help you again in the future.

 

9.         GIVING COMPLIMENTS:

A. Compliment others when they do something well practicing their skills.  The youth practice complimenting another youth who wins a game, does well in school, achieves a higher level at Hope House, etc.

B.  Be sincere; do not give compliments in a “phony” manner.

Rationale: Giving compliments lets others know you are concerned about them and increases the chance that they will interact with you in the future.

At Hope House the youth are given directions and training in a concrete and compassionate way by the teaching parents who are more than just supervisors, they are also mentors.